Everyone wants more confidence,
so why do we block its development?
Strengthening and weakening confidence is very complex, yet there’s one simple way to build it: by accepting compliments.
Hardly anyone fully takes in compliments. I catch myself blocking compliments often, and I teach this stuff. Blocking compliments runs deep in our culture and starts at a really young age.
For example, one day I was driving my 5-year-old daughter Chelsea home from kindergarten and I wanted to give her a compliment. I had been teaching her for some time to receive them when they were given, because I could see that compliments were just bouncing off her little body like rubber balls off concrete.
I said, “Chelsea, I’m going to give you a compliment.” She raised her hand to her heart, closed her thumb and forefingers together and mimicked unzipping a zipper. When I asked what she was doing she said, “Dada, I am opening my heart.” I had a rush of emotion and my eyes welled with tears, but I kept composed.
After I gave her the compliment, she raised her hand to her heart again and made an unzipping motion. When I asked again what she was doing, she said, “Dada, I am zipping my heart back up.” This time, the emotional rush overcame me and tears rolled down my cheeks. At only 5 years old she had already learned to close up and protect herself!
I bet you’ve been through a lot of emotional experiences in your life and you are pretty good at protecting your heart. Next time you receive a compliment, ask yourself, Do I want to block another compliment, or do I want to begin building my confidence by fully taking it in?
Compliments build your courage, confidence, self-esteem
and self-image … if you let them in.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Gratitude Increases Sales
Increase your inner peace, happiness and hope …
by living in gratitude.
This is not just Boulder froufrou stuff; there is good research that links gratitude with happiness, contentment, hope and even success.
Gail, a saleswoman, was very frustrated that her sales had plateaued for several years. Even though she was generally a positive person, she said, “I spent a lot time thinking about the sales I didn’t have, how well others were doing and the sales I needed to meet my goals.”
Gail said she “learned about gratitude and began being thankful for the sales I did have, and looking forward to the sales I wanted to get to reach my goals. This was a small, but significant, shift in my thinking, which gave me a more positive attitude. It resulted in attracting people wanting to buy from me, and I then easily reached my goals.”
Gail broke through her plateau not by working harder, or with a new sales technique — she did it simply by being in gratitude. She said, “It’s so simple, it doesn’t seem like being more grateful should increase my sales, but it does. Sales success, like all success, is a mental game.”
It’s best to speak your gratitude out loud;
it’s easy, and the benefits are huge.
by living in gratitude.
This is not just Boulder froufrou stuff; there is good research that links gratitude with happiness, contentment, hope and even success.
Gail, a saleswoman, was very frustrated that her sales had plateaued for several years. Even though she was generally a positive person, she said, “I spent a lot time thinking about the sales I didn’t have, how well others were doing and the sales I needed to meet my goals.”
Gail said she “learned about gratitude and began being thankful for the sales I did have, and looking forward to the sales I wanted to get to reach my goals. This was a small, but significant, shift in my thinking, which gave me a more positive attitude. It resulted in attracting people wanting to buy from me, and I then easily reached my goals.”
Gail broke through her plateau not by working harder, or with a new sales technique — she did it simply by being in gratitude. She said, “It’s so simple, it doesn’t seem like being more grateful should increase my sales, but it does. Sales success, like all success, is a mental game.”
It’s best to speak your gratitude out loud;
it’s easy, and the benefits are huge.
Friday, December 28, 2007
With Self-Discipline Comes Freedom and Success
With Self-Discipline
Comes Freedom … and Success
Discipline gets a bad rap because it’s often thought of as abusive, something to fear. However, there are different types of discipline. There’s abusive discipline (think beaten with a stick) and self-abusive discipline (remember the EnCOURAGEment of the self-berating woman who looked in the mirror everyday and said, “You are fat and ugly!”).
But there’s also self-discipline: doing what you commit to do, when you say you will do it. Self-discipline is critical to make your goals your reality. Some entrepreneurs, salespeople, athletes and network marketers have wonderful goals but not much self-discipline — they don’t become high performers. Goals without self-discipline is a wish list.
Every Olympic athlete, elite entrepreneur and top salesperson I know has very high self-discipline. One former Olympic athlete turned real estate agent was earning about $500,000 a year when he asked me to help him “…clean out anything that is blocking my success.” He was so devoted to this that he committed to driving four hours to my office, working deeply for five hours and then driving home again. That's 13 hours he committed to spend each time we worked together! This man’s self-discipline allowed him to easily create emotional and financial freedom and success.
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.”
— Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker
- TC North, Ph.D. High Performance Expert
Comes Freedom … and Success
Discipline gets a bad rap because it’s often thought of as abusive, something to fear. However, there are different types of discipline. There’s abusive discipline (think beaten with a stick) and self-abusive discipline (remember the EnCOURAGEment of the self-berating woman who looked in the mirror everyday and said, “You are fat and ugly!”).
But there’s also self-discipline: doing what you commit to do, when you say you will do it. Self-discipline is critical to make your goals your reality. Some entrepreneurs, salespeople, athletes and network marketers have wonderful goals but not much self-discipline — they don’t become high performers. Goals without self-discipline is a wish list.
Every Olympic athlete, elite entrepreneur and top salesperson I know has very high self-discipline. One former Olympic athlete turned real estate agent was earning about $500,000 a year when he asked me to help him “…clean out anything that is blocking my success.” He was so devoted to this that he committed to driving four hours to my office, working deeply for five hours and then driving home again. That's 13 hours he committed to spend each time we worked together! This man’s self-discipline allowed him to easily create emotional and financial freedom and success.
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.”
— Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker
- TC North, Ph.D. High Performance Expert
Life on the Farm
Victims Blame;
High Performers Accept Responsibility
Jan, a highly successful entrepreneur, endured tremendous hardships throughout life, including both of her parents dying before she was 6 years old. Later, in corporate America, she hit her head on the glass ceiling early — being a woman without a college degree. So Jan started her own business, building it to 40 employees. Things were going well until adversity struck again: When her company exposed a Fortune 500 company for not paying commissions and wanting to cover it up, this company attacked and destroyed Jan’s company.
Never the victim, Jan rebuilt her company to 70 employees, this time offering different services. But years later she again faced adversity — she caught her CFO embezzling and the police caught him flashing. Then her chief technology officer turned out to be a feared rapist. Regarding all her adversity, Jan said: “TC, you can’t make this s*it up.”
When I asked Jan how she stayed positive and kept going forward, she told me this story: “When my parents died, I was adopted by my mother’s best friend and her husband, who were farmers. I remember standing with my adopted dad watching a hail storm completely destroy our corn crop, which was about 4 inches high. When the storm was over, my dad just walked along the rows of destroyed corn and said, ‘I guess we’ll have to replant.’ I just live my life the way I learned on the farm.”
Neither Jan nor her father ever felt victimized; they took responsibility for creating positive outcomes. They didn’t waste their energy blaming; they took positive action … and replanted when necessary.
“The evasion of responsibility
is the major cause of most people’s frustrations and defeats.”
–Ayn Rand, author, philosopher
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
High Performers Accept Responsibility
Jan, a highly successful entrepreneur, endured tremendous hardships throughout life, including both of her parents dying before she was 6 years old. Later, in corporate America, she hit her head on the glass ceiling early — being a woman without a college degree. So Jan started her own business, building it to 40 employees. Things were going well until adversity struck again: When her company exposed a Fortune 500 company for not paying commissions and wanting to cover it up, this company attacked and destroyed Jan’s company.
Never the victim, Jan rebuilt her company to 70 employees, this time offering different services. But years later she again faced adversity — she caught her CFO embezzling and the police caught him flashing. Then her chief technology officer turned out to be a feared rapist. Regarding all her adversity, Jan said: “TC, you can’t make this s*it up.”
When I asked Jan how she stayed positive and kept going forward, she told me this story: “When my parents died, I was adopted by my mother’s best friend and her husband, who were farmers. I remember standing with my adopted dad watching a hail storm completely destroy our corn crop, which was about 4 inches high. When the storm was over, my dad just walked along the rows of destroyed corn and said, ‘I guess we’ll have to replant.’ I just live my life the way I learned on the farm.”
Neither Jan nor her father ever felt victimized; they took responsibility for creating positive outcomes. They didn’t waste their energy blaming; they took positive action … and replanted when necessary.
“The evasion of responsibility
is the major cause of most people’s frustrations and defeats.”
–Ayn Rand, author, philosopher
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
Friday, December 21, 2007
The Stockdale Paradox
The Stockdale Paradox
Face the most brutal facts of your current reality.
And retain faith that you will prevail in the endgame.
This is Admiral Jim Stockdale's philosophy. He was the highest-ranking U.S. prisoner of war at the "Hanoi Hilton" in Vietnam from 1965 to 1973. As the highest-ranking officer in the prison, he had no rights or release date; he was severely tortured over 20 times and he didn't know if he'd see his wife and children again.
When asked how he survived all those years, he said, "I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade." He noted that soldiers who were optimistic about being out by a certain date (e.g., "I'll be out by Christmas") dropped like flies when it didn't happen. Only those who believed in the endgame kept hope - and themselves - alive.
Admiral Stockdale was a great leader who helped many of his men live through imprisonment. Accepting and analyzing all the facts, including the brutal ones, and having faith in prevailing in the endgame, even when you don't initially know how, are defining characteristics of great entrepreneurs, salespeople and athletes as well as admirals.
Are you focused on the endgame?
The Stockdale Paradox comes from the book "Good to Great" by Jim Collins. The full story is on Pages 83-87.
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
Face the most brutal facts of your current reality.
And retain faith that you will prevail in the endgame.
This is Admiral Jim Stockdale's philosophy. He was the highest-ranking U.S. prisoner of war at the "Hanoi Hilton" in Vietnam from 1965 to 1973. As the highest-ranking officer in the prison, he had no rights or release date; he was severely tortured over 20 times and he didn't know if he'd see his wife and children again.
When asked how he survived all those years, he said, "I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade." He noted that soldiers who were optimistic about being out by a certain date (e.g., "I'll be out by Christmas") dropped like flies when it didn't happen. Only those who believed in the endgame kept hope - and themselves - alive.
Admiral Stockdale was a great leader who helped many of his men live through imprisonment. Accepting and analyzing all the facts, including the brutal ones, and having faith in prevailing in the endgame, even when you don't initially know how, are defining characteristics of great entrepreneurs, salespeople and athletes as well as admirals.
Are you focused on the endgame?
The Stockdale Paradox comes from the book "Good to Great" by Jim Collins. The full story is on Pages 83-87.
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Your past is history.
Your future depends on how you live in the present.
The present is where your personal power is strongest.
Imagine you're a professional football running back. The quarterback gives you the handoff to run straight ahead. Your heart is racing as the defensive players zero in on you. You begin wondering, Will I get hurt? There are 11 fast, strong giants who get paid to hit me as hard as they can...
Will this fearful thought make you hesitate? If you hesitate after getting the handoff, what's your chance of having a successful play? Much less. What's your chance of being injured? Much greater.
For over 20 years, I have collected information from thousands of people on the characteristics of being their best. All groups (entrepreneurs, executives, sales professionals and athletes) state that being in the flow state - the state during which each of us is at our best - includes being relaxed, confident and in the present.
Fearing the future takes you out of the present, because you're thinking about the future. A running back has his best chance at a successful run by being relaxed, confident and completely present.
Are you in the flow state?
What would you be like if you lived each
moment relaxed, confident and in the present?
"One instant is eternity; eternity is the now.
When you see through this one instant,
you see through the one who sees."
- Wu-Men (1183-1260)
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
Your future depends on how you live in the present.
The present is where your personal power is strongest.
Imagine you're a professional football running back. The quarterback gives you the handoff to run straight ahead. Your heart is racing as the defensive players zero in on you. You begin wondering, Will I get hurt? There are 11 fast, strong giants who get paid to hit me as hard as they can...
Will this fearful thought make you hesitate? If you hesitate after getting the handoff, what's your chance of having a successful play? Much less. What's your chance of being injured? Much greater.
For over 20 years, I have collected information from thousands of people on the characteristics of being their best. All groups (entrepreneurs, executives, sales professionals and athletes) state that being in the flow state - the state during which each of us is at our best - includes being relaxed, confident and in the present.
Fearing the future takes you out of the present, because you're thinking about the future. A running back has his best chance at a successful run by being relaxed, confident and completely present.
Are you in the flow state?
What would you be like if you lived each
moment relaxed, confident and in the present?
"One instant is eternity; eternity is the now.
When you see through this one instant,
you see through the one who sees."
- Wu-Men (1183-1260)
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
- Anais Nin
You're probably not confident when you have little or no experience with something, so you need courage. During graduate school, I accepted my first public speaking engagement. It was about two months away, and for those two months the thought of presenting twisted my stomach into knots and I often felt like vomiting. Most people don't realize this, but I am shy and introverted. In grade school, I never raised my hand because I was afraid of being wrong and embarrassed. So when I delivered my first presentation, I was so scared that I read my handwritten script word-for-word from a pad of yellow paper - while sitting and shaking.
This first presentation may sound like a disaster, but it was actually quite glorious. Why? Because I learned that I wouldn't die speaking to a group of people! This was a huge victory because I had the courage to go face to face with one of my greatest fears (public speaking), and as Anais Nin said above, this experience expanded my life. I have now delivered over 400 public presentations and have gained more confidence with each one. Today, I love empowering audiences with courage and confidence knowledge.
When you need courage, access your courageous self. Here are the four steps:
Breathe slowly and deeply.
Remember a time when you acted with courage and had a positive outcome.
Notice how you feel as you do this; you are now in your courageous self.
While in your courageous self, imagine doing something that is scary to you. See, hear and feel yourself as best you can, courageously going for what you want.
This process programs your brain to be courageous and helps you gain confidence in doing what you imagined. The more you do this, the stronger your courage and confidence become.
"A mind that is stretched by a new experience
can never go back to its old dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
- Anais Nin
You're probably not confident when you have little or no experience with something, so you need courage. During graduate school, I accepted my first public speaking engagement. It was about two months away, and for those two months the thought of presenting twisted my stomach into knots and I often felt like vomiting. Most people don't realize this, but I am shy and introverted. In grade school, I never raised my hand because I was afraid of being wrong and embarrassed. So when I delivered my first presentation, I was so scared that I read my handwritten script word-for-word from a pad of yellow paper - while sitting and shaking.
This first presentation may sound like a disaster, but it was actually quite glorious. Why? Because I learned that I wouldn't die speaking to a group of people! This was a huge victory because I had the courage to go face to face with one of my greatest fears (public speaking), and as Anais Nin said above, this experience expanded my life. I have now delivered over 400 public presentations and have gained more confidence with each one. Today, I love empowering audiences with courage and confidence knowledge.
When you need courage, access your courageous self. Here are the four steps:
Breathe slowly and deeply.
Remember a time when you acted with courage and had a positive outcome.
Notice how you feel as you do this; you are now in your courageous self.
While in your courageous self, imagine doing something that is scary to you. See, hear and feel yourself as best you can, courageously going for what you want.
This process programs your brain to be courageous and helps you gain confidence in doing what you imagined. The more you do this, the stronger your courage and confidence become.
"A mind that is stretched by a new experience
can never go back to its old dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
- TC North, Ph.D., High Performance Expert
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